Plan B is the new Plan A
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
