he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
