I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
