that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
