I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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