You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
