if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
