I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
