Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
