I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
