hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
