Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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