Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
