That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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