We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
