I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The convent might be a nice break from real life
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
