He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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