I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
