Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize