My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
