i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
