she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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