You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
