mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
