Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
