im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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