How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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