One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
