we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
