you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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