I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize