you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
