just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
