I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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