Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
