how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
