Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
