you turned your livingroom into a bong?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
