who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
