in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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