I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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