I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
