I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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