I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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