Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
