My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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