My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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