I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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