so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
