It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
