I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
