he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
