I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
