And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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