I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
