The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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