dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
