billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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