Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So much Jack, so little girl.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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