my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
the raccoons are back...
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