im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
