we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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